Dreading Winter During the Summer
The thought of the cold is a reminder of the end
It’s hot in New York. I’m not complaining. I’ll take the summer over winter any time. Sure, it starts to smell a little after a while, but that’s better than sub-zero temperatures.
The heat can bring out another side of our personality. Beach days and barbeques give us the chance to relax. We’re not running at the speed of the cold months. There’s no rush.
We slow down when it’s warm out. Despite the extra lubrication, we’re drained by the heat, and our limbs don’t work as easily.
I was born during the summer. Maybe that’s why I like it so much. I’ve got memories of spending the break in Puerto Rico, on my grandmother’s land. The whole family had houses up the hill, with Grandma’s at the very top. She oversaw everything.
When she lost her mind, it was sobering. A strong woman, she slowly deteriorated until she was hallucinating. She’s one of the people I always think of when I think of summer.
Summer also meant the end of the school year, and I hated school. The warm months were a reprieve from the endless homework and tests. I could finally relax without having to center my movement around the sound of a bell.
School was supposed to indoctrinate me into the outside world, but it did the opposite. The structure made me know I wasn’t meant for the rigid, day-in and day-out of regular life. My last corporate job was when I was sixteen years old.
I remember the sound of the office phones. The digital ring, with its distinct tone, sickened me. It still gets a negative reaction. I recall boredom and a sense of unimportance about the job. It was empty.
I filed and forwarded mail of prospective employees to the higher-ups. I guess you could say I was an HR gatekeeper. If I nixed a resume, that person was done.
I couldn’t wait for the end of the school year so I could quit that job and never see the inside of a cubicle again.
Summer is a time to play. Work should be only out of necessity.
I'm less depressed in the summer. The nice weather lifts me, like it does for a lot of people. Winter is dreary. The layers of clothing feel like you’re hiding something.
My daughter is off from school during the summer, so I have a lot more time to spend with her. We can go for long walks or to an amusement park. We can hit the beach, have a picnic in the park, or go for a bike ride. Our favorite thing to do is play soccer with the dog.
But what about the benefit of having different seasons? Does facing winter give us resilience? Do we appreciate the warm weather more because we have to freeze for months at a time?
If you’ve faced a dark night of the soul, you know what a metaphorical eternal winter feels like. You’re iced out of reality, stuck in a depressed state with no sign of summer in sight. Going through that bitter wilderness seems to be a prerequisite for rebirth.
In a midlife crisis, the winter of your life becomes real. Death comes into your mind. Eventually, you’re closer to the end than to the beginning. You realize if the last twenty years zipped by, so will the next twenty. Before you know it, you’ll be a senior citizen. Then…
And from there, you understand that there’s not much time left for you. You’ll start to analyze all the years that have gone by and wonder if you did enough. You hope you’ll answer “yes.”
Looking back can also show you that you let a lot of chances pass you by. Lost loves, business opportunities, or friendships you let fade can lead to regret. With winter on the horizon, or upon you already, there’s little time to make things right.
From summer to winter, there is fall. The leaves go from lively green to a dead brown. They fall off the tree, crunching on the floor as people trample them. They decompose into the ground, soon to be covered by snow. Forgotten.
Our bodies deteriorate like the autumn leaves. We become crusty, devoid of life. We wither away and die.
That’s enough to discourage anyone from wanting the seasons to change. Change is scary, and when it’s your body going through the transition, it’s hard to believe. You never think you’ll get old. You imagine you’ll always look the way you do. You don’t imagine you won’t recognize yourself one day.
That’s what winter brings. You forget. You forget that there was ever another season because the warmth is a distant memory that you can’t quite declare as real.
I’ve had fun in the winter too. My daughter was born in January. I enjoy Christmas sometimes. I used to dress up more, and winter meant I could layer without sweating through my clothes. Snowball fights are a good time. Skiing is great.
We’ve all got to face winter sometime. It always comes around. It can bite us in the ass or we can use fall to slowly prepare us for what’s to come. Begrudging the winter in the summer only magnifies the effects. We have to enjoy the season we’re in.
I’ve realized in recent years that the aforementioned layering is also the key to making winter less sucky. The more you pile on, the warmer you are, and the easier it is to deal with the cold.
That’s the answer to a lot of life’s problems. Be prepared. Listen to the weather and carry an umbrella if it’s gonna rain. Dress warmer, and embrace the changing seasons.
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